Ive decided to cut myself bit of slack at the moment and I think, unless the mood strikes me to write or post, I will only be updating my blog with the pregnancy updates until I’ve had this baby.
Im really struggling and this is one thing I do enjoy doing but I am just too tired to put any pressure on myself to pretty much do anything above what I have to do at the moment.
I have to look after Sofia and keep our little family life ticking over but above that I’ve decided to try not to worry. I have 3 weeks left til my due date, so this baby could come any time in the next 5 weeks and I need to stop trying to keep up with everything. I wasn’t doing a good job of it anyway.
Im finding even the small every day things hard to manage to get done. If I’m honest I think my depression may be creeping back, I spent 5 hours in the bath on Saturday, I do like a long bath but it was a bit ridiculous even for me. I just didn’t want to get out, when I’m in the bath is the only time my body isn’t hurting and I’m really struggling to deal with Sofia needing me so much. I think thats kind of why I was in the bath for so long, when my husband is looking after Sofia its where I retreat to so that I can’t physically be needed. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who understands and tries his best to help me out however he can, I know he’s getting pretty exhausted too having to do more than his fair share with Sofia.
I didn’t realise how easy it was in my first pregnancy, you have enough time to just look after yourself. This time round its just not like that and right now I really need to try my best to look after myself and thats going to mean different things on different days but I have to stop pressuring myself to do more.
I still want to have the pregnancy updates to look back on so I will be continuing them. Once our baby is born I am hoping to manage to do updates and I will just take it from there really, I will get back to posting as I do enjoy having this for myself, its like my little memory book/mental health journal. It does help me but right now its not.
The photo up top is from May last year, before I got pregnant. Its just a photo I love of me and Sofia.