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Not ok

At the moment I’m struggling every weekend. All week I stupidly look forward to the weekend, waiting for it to arrive because it was always a symbol of something good, some down time, time to spend time with the husband and kids which was always a good thing. But at the moment it’s not. I know that sounds awful but I can’t cope.

The weekend arrives and all I feel like doing is curling up into a ball and wishing everyone would leave me alone but as a mum to young kids I can’t realistically do what I feel I want to do. So I’m here but not really all here.

I’m trying my best to still be mum but my heart just isn’t in it for some reason and that just makes me feel so broken, don’t get me wrong, I still fiercely love both my girls but the mothering is tiring. I’m breastfeeding Luna when she wants it and helping Sofia every time she asks, I hold and play with the girls but feel like I want to pass them to the husband at every chance. I’m leaning on him a lot at the moment and he really is so good about it.

I think I manage the week as my mentality is usually to get through the day but the weekends aren’t supposed to be like that, it’s the time your supposed to be enjoying yourself.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year or maybe it’s because I had a baby in the last year and babies are hard work without break or maybe it’s just me, I do have periods of depression anyways but no matter what the reason is I don’t know how to snap out of it.

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

Danielle xx


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